


Screaming Dick

by Emejig16



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, April Fool's Day Crack-Fest, Crack, M/M, Smut, this fic literally is one big joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:00:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emejig16/pseuds/Emejig16
Summary: The title is self explanatory,





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New A/N: This crackfic was written for April Fools Day 2014. It's a journey and there's a second part that is coming when I get to the 2015 fics. 
> 
> Original A/N: Happy April Fools day! Since today is all about jokes and what not, I figured the only way to celebrate was with a crack fic.
> 
> I’d like to say a huge thank you to maetaurus for rping with me! (Follow her they'reamazballs and thank them for this title.) 

[BASED OFF OF THIS PHANFIC POST](http://phanfic.tumblr.com/post/80596686773)

 

 **+**  = Me

 **~**  = Maetaurus

 

* * *

 

 **\+ :** Dan had a rather embarrassing secret when it came to being intimate with people. It wasn’t really his fault, he just couldn’t control it. He was thankful that Phil was so open about it, because it had ruined so many relationships in the past for him. His big secret was that his dick screamed and talked whenever he was remotely turned on. Sometimes it was a tolerable soft moan, and other times it was a blood curdling scream of pleasure. It had been such an inconvenience for others, but it was almost a fetish for Phil. Whenever he would have sex with Dan, it was his mission to hear his dick go crazy. So on a night like this, where Phil had him up against the wall he, knew what he was in for.

**~ :**  Phil had Dan’s arms pinned to the wall above his head and was smirking down at him. “You gonna scream for me tonight baby?” Phil asked, looking down at Dan’s crotch. He ground his hips into Dan’s waiting to hear a response.

**\+ :**  "Yes, yes please.“ Dan whimpered. "Ahhhh.” his dick softly moaned, as he rolled his hips into Phil’s.

**~ :**  "Not you,“ Phil rolled his eyes. He got down on his knees and pressed a kiss to Dan’s cock through his jeans. "You,” he moaned.

**\+ :**  Dan bit his lip. His dick let out a low breathy moan, twitching slightly under Phil’s warm lips. Dan was already thinking about how great it would feel when they were all around, sucking gently, making his dick go mental.

**~ :**  Phil let out a small moan of his own and undid Dan’s pants and pulled his whimpering dick out of his boxers. He licked the tip and smiled at it.

**\+ :**  "I like it when you do that Phil. “ Dan’s dick breathed.

**~ :**  Phil smirked and took the tip in his mouth and sucked.

**\+ :**  Dan’s toes curled and he bit his lip even harder then before, trying not to make any noise. "Ahhh- _fuck_.. just like that.” His dick groaned.

**~ :**  He took more of Dan’s dick in his mouth and swallowed around him. Phil looked up at Dan and winked.

**\+ :**  Dan’s head was tipped back against the wall. He let out a shaky breath and dug his nails into the wall. A muffled “Fuck yes.” Escaped Dan’s dick as Phil worked his magic on it.

**~ :**  Phil pulled back to take a breath and stood up to kiss Dan. “You just gonna let your dick do all the talking for you?” Phil smirked.

**\+ :**  Dan blushed and giggled. “Most likely.” He started. He placed his hand along the base of Phil’s jaw. “Unless, you’d like to hear both us?” He proposed, placing soft kisses along his jawline.

**~ :**  Phil thought for a moment and smirked. “The more the merrier.” He winked and got back down on his knees. “What do you think?” Phil took Dan’s dick in his mouth again.

**\+ :**  "Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes please oH MY GOD YES.“ Dan’s dick moaned needfully.

**~ :**  Phil smirked and started deep throating him. He brought a finger up to tease Dan’s entrance and looked up at him.

**\+ :**  Dan moaned, as well as his dick, as he felt Phil press his finger against his hole. He nodded slightly, letting Phil know it was alright for him to keep going.

**~ :**  "Let’s go to the bedroom, I need to get some lube,” Phil said once he’d stood back up. He grabbed a hold of Dan’s dick and pulled him gently to the bedroom, using his dick like a leash.

**\+ :**  Dan followed obligingly, although it was a bit difficult to walk because his jeans and pants were still puddled around his ankles, so it was more of a waddle. Still, he was beyond excited for what Phil was going to do to him and he knew his dick was too.

**~ :**  Phil let go and removed his shirt. He grabbed some lube from their drawer. “Either of you want any toys tonight?” he asked while still looking through the drawer.

**\+ :**  "Of course we do!“ Dan dick answered.

**~ :**  "Come pick some out,” Phil smirked.

**\+ :**  Dan stepped out of his jeans and pants, and walked over to the drawer. He browsed over everything in it as he carefully made his decision. “Psst. Pick the vibe. I know you’re thinking about it.” His dick whispered. Dan rolled his eyes as he picked up the purple vibrator and handed it to Phil. “This one.”

**~ :**  Phil smiled and grabbed the toy from Dan. “On the bed. And get comfortable babe,” Phil winked.

**\+ :**  Dan bit his lip and removed his shirt before he crawled onto the bed and laid in the center of it.

**~ :** Phil removed the rest of his clothing. He walked over to the bed and sat between his legs. “Do you need stretching?” Phil asked.

**\+ :**  "Probably just a bit.“ Dan admitted with a shy blush. ” _Oh my gosh_ just get to it already.“ His dick whined

**~ :**  Phil poured lube on his fingers and pushed two in Dan. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Dan’s dick. "Patience,” he whispered.

**\+ :**  "Uhhh.“ Dan and his dick moaned in sync.

**~ :**  "Ready for another?” Phil murmured against his dick.

**\+ :**  "Yes.“ It hissed.

**~ :**  "I wasn’t asking you. Believe it or not, not everything revolves around you Mr. Dick,” Phil chuckled.

**\+ :**  Dan smiled. “Yeah.” He breathed out.

**~ :**  Phil smiled and pushed another finger in and looked up at him as he sucked his tip.

**\+ :**  Dan arched his back as Phil’s fingers thrusted in and out of him. He loved being stretched and being fingered by Phil. Hid fingers were the work of god himself. “Yes, just like that.” His dick mewled.

**~ :**  Phil nodded and took more of him in his mouth. He sped up his movements and pulled off his dick. “Ready for the vibe?”

**\+ :**  "Uhhuh.“ Dan moaned, still lost in the sensation of Phil’s fingers inside of him. His dick moaned out in agreement.

**~ :**  "I think you want my fingers more.” Phil said. He curled them and barely brushed against Dan’s prostate.

**\+ :**  "AHHHHHHHHH!“ Dan’s dick screamed. Dan’s whole body shuddered. His toes curled and he wound his hands into the sheets. "Right there–oh fuck–yes.” Dan moaned out loudly.

**~ :**  Phil smirked and pressed his fingers fully against his spot. “You like that?” He licked from Dan’s base to his tip and moaned at the sensation.

**\+ :**  "AHH YES WE DO. OH MY GOD YES WE LIKE THAT.“ Dan’s dick answered for him. A stream of unintelligible words and noises streamed out of Dan’s mouth as he writhed against the sheets gripping them until his knuckles turned white, unable to even think properly.

**~ :**  Phil pulled his fingers out and crawled up to kiss Dan. "Fucking hell. I love when it talks to me like that. Wanna make it scream so loudly the neighbors think we’re having a threesome.” Phil mumbled against Dan’s lips.

**\+ :**  " _Do it Phil_ , make us scream.“ His dick groaned loudly.

**~ :**  "You want the vibrator in you or on your dick?” Phil asked with a smirk playing at his lips.

**\+  :**  "In-“ Dan started before being interrupted by his dick. "On me! On me!” It begged.

**~ :**  Phil chuckled and pushed the vibrator in Dan once he’d rubbed lube on it. He got up and went back to their drawer and grabbed another vibrator and smirked at Dan.

**\+ :**  "Thank you.“ Dan groaned out. He let out a shaky moan as he felt the toy rumble against his walls, causing his body to tingle with pleasure. "What about me?” His dick sulked.

**~ :**  "Don’t worry, I have a toy for you too,“ Phil smiled. He walked back over to the bed and turned the second vibrator on high before pressing it along Dan’s entire length.

**\+ :**  "FUCK YES.” Dan’s dick cried out in pleasure. “Oh my god Phil. "Dan breathed as his dick twitched under the vibrations.

**~ :**  Phil smirked down at Dan and lowered his head to flick his tongue across his slit.

**\+ :**  Dan arched and hollowed his back as a wave of pleasure rolled over him. "Do that again!” Dan’s dick moaned huskily.

**~ :**  Phil repeated his actions several times. He moaned as he tasted precum and closed his eyes. Phil took Dan’s tip in his mouth and sucked on it as he continued to lick his tip.

**\+ :**  Dan let out a long strangled groan. He didn’t want this to end, but he knew he wouldn’t last forever. He shifted slightly, causing the vibrator to brush up against his prostate. “FUCK.” Both he and his dick yelped.

**~ :**  He pushed the vibrator hard against Dan’s prostate and ground his hips against his leg. Phil pulled back to whisper against Dan’s dick, “Louder. Scream for me.”

**\+ :**  "AHHHHH. PHIL DON’T STOP.“ Dan’s dick shouted. "OH MY GOD PHIL. RIGHT THERE–PHIIILLL.” Dan moaned out. His whole body had been taken over by the pure bliss the vibrations were creating; He didn’t even think he could feel anymore. He could feel a warmth start to pool at the bottom of his stomach.

**~ :**  "Come for me,“ Phil growled against his tip. He felt his own orgasm approach and he’d barely been touched.

**\+ :**  And that was pretty much all it took Dan and his dick. His whole body squirmed and rolled."YASSSSS PHIL OH MY GOD YASSSS!” Dan’s dick screamed. Various obscenities and noises of all pitches flowed from Dan’s mouth, while white ribbons covered his stomach and chest. “FUCKING HELL PHIL!” Dan pretty much shouted. His head was tipped back and his chest was heaving. Dan’s whole body shuddered one last time pumping out every last bit of cum it could.

**~ :**  Hearing Dan’s dick scream his name was enough to send Phil tumbling over the edge. He moaned loudly as he came onto Dan’s leg. Once they’d both finished orgasming, Phil kept both vibrators in place and smirked up at Dan.

**\+ :**  Dan shut his eyes. His mouth was still wide open and he was breathing heavily. His whole body was still trembling, although he felt completely spent, as the toy rumbled relentlessly against his dick and prostate. “PHILPHILPHILPHILPHIL.” Dan’s dick shrieked. “TURN IT OFF PLEASE.” It begged loudly.

**~ :**  "Beg me and maybe I will. Scream for me to stop. Better yet, scream for the neighbors to make me stop,“ Phil chuckled and turned the toy inside Dan to its highest level.

**\+ :**  "PHIL PLEASE… _OH MY_ …–PLEASE…” Dan whimpered loudly, thrashing about, nearly kicking Phil in the face. “IS THIS FUCKING CONVINCING ENOUGH FOR YOU?!?!” Dan’s dick howled, unable to sustain all of the stimulation. “Pleasepleasepleasplease.” Dan whimpered softly, as his body shook and his dick spasmed.

**~ :**  Phil looked up at Dan innocently. “Stop what? What’s wrong baby?”

**\+ :**  "Phil I-.“ Dan moaned. "YOU FUCKING SADIST.” Dan’s dick breathed out.

**~ :**  Phil decided Dan had had enough. He turned off both toys and threw them to the side before crawling up to kiss Dan.

**\+ :**  "Thank the lord.“ Dan’s dick sassed. Dan looked up at Phil dazedly. He gave him a lazy smile and chuckled a bit. "Thank you…Thank you.” He panted.

**~ :**  "I wish there was a way to punish it without punishing you,“ Phil rolled his eyes.

**\+ :**  ” _Uhm hey?_ I can still hear you guys.“ Dan’s dick said. Dan rolled his eyes. "It’s alright. It will shut itself up.” He said snuggling in closer to Phil. It only talked or made noise when he was aroused, so things would be quiet again within a couple of minutes.

**~ :**  "Yeah that was kind of the point,“ Phil retorted. He chuckled to himself when he realized he was arguing with a penis.

**\+ :**  Dan giggled. "I’m kind of a freakshow because of you.” He said poking his dick.

**~ :**  Phil laughed and kissed Dan’s cheek. “Yes and I fucking love you for it.”

**\+ :**  "Awww I love you too Philly.“ Dan dick gushed.


	2. Wait It Talk's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More talking dick!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here you go part 2 to Screaming Dick (You don’t have to read that part first to understand what’s going on, but it’s recommended so you know what you’re getting yourself into). This is the beginning to how they got to the point in that fic lol.
> 
> Posted June 2014. I'm just as surprised as you are in 2017 to really think about how people really wanted a second part.

**+** \- Me

**~** \- Skyler

 

**\+ :**  Phil didn’t always know about Dan’s talking dick. In fact, for the first seven months of their relationship Dan made it his mission to keep it a secret from Phil. Dan would never do anything remotely sexual with him, claiming that “he wasn’t ready” even though he knew he wanted to be intimate with Phil. He would also refuse to get off when Phil was in the flat, just in case he heard it. Dan felt bad about keeping his secret away from Phil, but he did not want to risk it. He was not going to lose such a great boyfriend just because he was freak with a talking penis. But, Dan could only keep it a secret for so long. It was difficult trying sneak around Phil when Dan was constantly horny. He eventually resorted to sending Phil out on errands so that he could get off and not have Phil find out.

**~ :**  Phil had often wondered why Dan didn’t want to do anything sexual with him. Dan would stop their make out sessions for no apparent reason and would always push Phil away if he tried to do anything more. Phil never asked Dan why and he never questioned him about it, believing when he said he just wasn’t ready. When Dan started asking him to go out and get some things from the store when he knew they had plenty, Phil started to get suspicious. Did Dan not want him around anymore? Was he hiding something from him? This was the third time this week that Dan had sent Phil out to buy him new socks; how many socks could one person go through?

**\+ :**  As soon as Phil left, Dan went back to his room and closed the door. He leant against it and took a deep breath. He was so glad Phil bought the whole “I need more socks thing”. He could almost see Phil getting ready to question him, but he dropped it and just left. Dan knew Phil was getting a bit suspicious, but he wasn’t ready for Phil to know, not just yet. Dan peeled himself off of the door. He wiggled himself out of his tight black skinny jeans, and went to go lie down on his bed. He removed his shirt with a slight grin; He’d been waiting to get off all day. Dan ran his hand over his clothed dick. He closed his eyes as he grasped it lightly, squeezing gently as he stroked his cock. 

**~ :**  Dan’s dick let out a soft sigh as it was released from Dan’s restraining jeans. It had been desperate for something, anything ever since this morning when Dan had seen Phil cook them breakfast in just his pajama bottoms.

“Why do you insist on wearing such tight jeans? Are you trying to suffocate me?” Dan’s dick asked, as Dan pulled down his pants. 

**\+ :**  "Shut up, you’re a penis you don’t know fashion.“ Dan breathed, still stroking his dick.

**~ :**  "I might just be a penis but I have feelings too. Speaking of which, stroke me harder,” it demanded and twitched in Dan’s hand.

**\+ :**  Dan rolled his eyes. He tightened his grip around his cock and started to stroke it a little faster. Dan couldn’t help but let out a soft moan. A part of him wished that this was Phil’s hand or _mouth_ on his dick.

**~ :**  His cock moaned loudly, “Oh fuck yes!” It was fully hard after only a few more strokes and whimpered. “I want Phil,” Dan’s dick whined.

**\+ :**  Dan moaned. “Fuck, I want Phil too, but unless _you_  plan on keeping quiet that isn’t happening.” Dan said, flicking his wrists a couple of times as he twisted his hand down the shaft of his dick.

**~ :**  "I can’t, you know that. I- oh god, Dan! I can’t help it,“ Dan’s cock moaned. It twitched a few more times in his hand as he got closer to the edge. 

**\+ :**  Dan let out another long groan as he sped up his movements, "Ahh I know” Dan breathed. “But–oh fuck” He moaned.

**~:**  Phil had gotten Dan yet _another_ pack of socks from the shop around the corner and was back home. He unlocked the door and made his way to Dan’s room to give him his socks. Phil had his hand on the doorknob when he heard a, “Fuck yeah Dan, just like that!” coming from inside. He’d never suspected Dan of being one to cheat but who else could the moans belong to? Phil took a deep breath and pushed open Dan’s door, ready to confront him.

“Dan, how could you cheat on me like th-” Phil cut himself off when he didn’t see anyone in the room but Dan.

**\+ :**  "Phil!“ Dan exclaimed, covering himself with one of his pillows. _Fuck, Fuck Fuck. What was he going to do now?_  "I-uhm..I-errr” Dan stuttered, still breathing heavily.

**~ :**  "I heard another voice coming from in here, were you watching porn or something?“ Phil asked, confused. He heard a muffled complaint and furrowed his brow.

"Want Phil, now!” Dan’s dick moaned loudly from under the pillow.

**\+ :**  Dan pushed the pillow down harder trying to suffocate his dick, much like one would if they were trying to kill someone with a pillow in their sleep.“Another voice …what? You must be hearing things. I’m the only one here, so it was probably just me. Yep no one else here to make noise as I get off.” Dan rambled nervously. He could feel himself start to sweat he was so flustered.

**~:** Phil stepped in the room further and looked around. “Oh really? You moaned ‘Fuck yeah Dan, just like that’?”

“Dan stop it, you’re suffocating me,” his dick whined.

**\+ :**  "Yeah?“ Dan lied badly. "I find myself quite hot actually.” Dan punched the pillow and cringed a bit, as he’d just punched himself in the dick.

**~ :**  "Dan, please just tell me what’s going on,“ Phil said gently. He stepped forward and sat down on the bed. "Why’d you just punch your own dick?”

**\+ :**  Dan sighed. He may as well tell Phil the truth now. Sure, he may lose him but he had a right to know. “Phil…” Dan started softly. He looked away from Dan and took another deep breath. “There’s this thing about me…” Dan said, his fingers dancing around the pillow debating wether or not to remove the pillow. He looked up at Phil’s genuine eyes and he knew he had to. “Well, actually its a thing about my dick.” Dan explained, removing the pillow. “It… _sortofkindoftalks_.” Dan said quickly, closing his eyes to brace himself for how Phil might react.

**~ :**  Phil stayed silent as Dan explained, not wanting to interrupt him. He nodded slowly, not fully understanding. “Your um…your _dick_ talks?” Phil asked, wanting to make sure he’d heard Dan correctly.

**\+ :**  Dan blushed and slowly opened his eyes, “Yeah. When I’m aroused and stuff it does.” Dan said softly.

**~ :**  "Alright well that’s a bit strange,“ Phil admitted. "Can I um maybe hear it?”

**\+ :**  "Uh…I-I guess? I mean…are you going to be freaked out?“ Dan asked.

**~ :**  He shrugged slightly and bit his lip. "Maybe a little but I’m honestly just curious.”

**\+ :**  Dan let out another breath. He picked up Phil’s hand and put it on his dick. “Just stroke it as if you were giving me a hand job or something.” Dan explained. He felt his cheeks heat up a bit, he couldn’t believe he was actually doing this.

**~ :**  Phil let out a soft moan as he touched Dan for the first time and nodded quickly. He kept his eyes on Dan’s face as he slowly started to move his hand up and down on the heated flesh.

**\+ :**  "Fucckkkk…" Dan’s dick moaned. “Now, I _know_  that is not your hand Dan.”

**~ :**  "Fuck,“ Phil moaned when he head Dan’s dick speak. "That’s hot. Please say more.”

**\+ :**  "I like it when you do that Phil. You’re _so_  much better than Dan.“ Dan’s dick whined. It twitched a bit in his hand. "Keep doing that, but a little harder–fuck yes.”

**~ :**  He chuckled softly and nodded, grabbing his dick firmly and stroking him faster. “Hear that Dan? Your dick likes my hand better,” Phil smirked.

**\+ :**  Dan moaned as Phil touched him. He couldn’t believe it; Phil hadn’t freaked out or told him to leave or anything. He was taking this a whole lot better than people have in the past and Dan didn’t know how to react.

“Mmhmmm…Phil.” Dan’s dick moaned.

**~ :**  Phil pulled his hand away and stood up to take his shirt off. He glanced down at Dan and smiled as he laid down next to him. “Straddle my hips, bear and sit on me, ” Phil instructed softly.

**\+ :**  Dan could barely believe this was actually happening. Dan did as he said and opened his legs a bit and sat on top of him. “Phil what are you–” Dan started.

**~ :**  Phil smiled and started stroking Dan’s dick again. “Want to watch you fall apart for me,” he explained.

**\+ :**  "Oh my god.“ Dan’s dick moaned. "What are you going to do to us?” Dan asked, already grabbing his bed sheets.

**~ :**  "I don’t think I need to do anything but give you a hand job for you two to fall apart,“ Phil smirked and looked pointedly at where Dan’s hands were gripping at the covers.

**\+ :**  "Do your worst.” Dan’s dick whined.

**~ :**  He chuckled and nodded. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you talking,” Phil said, looking down at Dan’s erection.

**\+ :**  "Jesus Christ.“ Dan breathed.

**~**  Phil continued to stroke Dan, alternating fast and hard strokes with slow and gentle ones. After a few minutes, Phil found himself growing hard and moaned when his dick pressed against Dan’s ass.

**\+ :**  Dan’s breathing hitched a bit as he felt Phil’s dick rub up against his bum. "Phiiilllll.” Dan’s dick whined.

**~ :**  "Okay so I might like your issue a little more than I should,“ Phil admitted softly, letting out a nervous chuckle.

**\+ :**  "Seriously?” Dan moaned softly, grinding his ass into Phil’s cock.

**~ :**  Phil nodded and groaned. “It’s kind of really hot.”

**\+ :**  Dan blushed again and giggled. “And here I was hiding it because I thought it would scare you away.” Dan said leaning forward to rest his forehead against Phil’s.

**~ :**  "Yeah, you suck for doing that,“ Phil joked. He gave Dan’s dick a hard tug and smirked up at Dan.

**\+ :**  "Yaaass Phil, you do it so fucking right!” His dick cried out, spasming a bit.

**~ :**  Phil giggled softly and continued his harsh strokes, wanting nothing more than to watch Dan come.

**\+ :**  "Oh Phil.“ Dan moaned, feeling his whole body jerk. "Yes, yesOH MY GOD PHIL. YAASSS PLEASEE OH MY FUCKING …YES JESUS CHRIST.” His dick moaned, as it spilled it’s come all over Phil’s hand.

**~ :**  Phil looked at Dan’s facial expressions as he came, moaning at how blissed out he looked.

**\+ :**  Dan placed his hand on Phil’s waist, “Phil oh my Phil.” Dan said in between pants. “YOU ARE A SEX GOD PHIL! YOU’RE HANDS ARE MAGIC!” Dan’s dick exclaimed.

**~ :**  He chuckled softly and kissed Dan as he helped him ride out his orgasm.

**\+ :**  "I love you so much Phil.“ Dan’s dick whimpered. Dan continued to breathe heavily. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had an orgasm like that before.

**~ :**  "I love you too,” Phil whispered. He looked up at Dan and smiled. “I love you more though.”

**\+ :**  Dan smiled and Phil, “You’re the greatest.” Dan said lazily.

**~ :**  Phil smiled and gently rolled Dan off of him so Dan could rest his head on his chest. “I think I wore you out.”

**\+ :** Dan sighed dreamily as he rested his head on Phil’s warm and slightly sweaty chest. “I think so too, but that was _amazing_.”

**~ :**  "I can’t believe you made me buy you all those socks just so you could get off,“ Phil mumbled and giggled softly. He wiped his hand on Dan’s sheets.

**\+ :**  Dan chuckled, "I’m sorry. I just really didn’t want you to find out. Plus, when you’re in a relationship with someone as hot as yourself it’s very hard to try and not be horny, and want to get off all of the time, because you won’t do anything sexual with him because you don’t want him to find out that you’re a freak with a talking dick.”

“I do not make you a freak.” Dan’s dick protested.

**~ :**  Phil laughed at Dan’s dick’s comment. “Sorry but you do make him a bit of a freak. Luckily though, I find that extremely hot.”

**\+ :**  "See Dan, he loves me. You denied me this black haired orgasm on legs because you thought he wouldn’t like me?“ Dan’s dick sassed. Dan rolled his eyes. It would shut itself up in a few more minutes.

**~ :**  "I see where you get your sass from,” Phil giggled. He kissed Dan’s slightly pink cheek and smiled.

**\+ :**  "Yeah.“ Dan said with a grin. Things couldn’t have been more perfect. He finally told Phil about his talking dick and he didn’t break up with him. In fact he loved it and thought it was hot. Phil was so great. How was he so lucky to have found him?

**~ :**  Phil smiled and held Dan close as he heard Dan’s breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep. He’d never expected something like this to be going on but Phil couldn’t complain one bit.

**\+ :**  "See, everything worked out. You get to stay with Phil who loves you so much, and I get to be touched by that sex god whenever now.” Dan’s dick quipped, voice trailing as it went back to being completely flaccid.

**~ :**  Phil chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Whenever you want,” he promised quietly. Phil closed his eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of screaming dicks.

\+ : Dan snuggled up to him and closed his eyes. He smiled a bit as he breathed in Phil’s scent.  Having a dick that talked had never felt so good.


End file.
